Six Types of Erotic Love: Self-Quiz

Topic: relationship self-test

Of all the emotions we hear the most about love. Yet it’s the most misunderstood emotion. For centuries, scholars have tried to shed light on this illusive subject, but only succeeded in raising more questions.

 Most realize that erotic love is a physical-emotional love involving sexual attraction and expression of affection. The loss of love is devastating because, when love is lost, the pain you feel reflects the loss of all six facets of erotic love not just the physical.

Drs. Adelaide and Kurt Haas were the first to tell us that erotic love has six different and over-lapping characteristics. All are needed but as you read through the components try to identify those that are the most important to you in past, present or perhaps a future relationship.

1. COMPANIONSHIP is sharing life’s experiences and emotional support with another. Rather than a passionate desire, companionship is a quiet contentment that reflects a couple’s tendency to be good friends.

2. CARING is the desire to do things for and to help others with no thought of the caring being returned. In this way it’s similar to parental love, but the caring of erotic love does assume that one will be cared for in return when and if the need arises.


3. INTIMACY is the non-defended and mutual sharing of personal thoughts and feelings. Usually our desire for close and confidential communication is with one special person more than anyone else. Note that emotional communication is mutual. If only one person shares, then intimacy does not exist.

4. ROMANCE is the spice of erotic love. When intense feelings of affection, daydreaming, and passion occur we think of romantic love. If short lived, we sometimes, and usually with sarcasm, refer to it as infatuation. However 96 percent of both men and women still have faith in romance. It may not be the most stable ingredient but, just like apple pie, erotic love is bland without its spice. According to Haas and Haas, romance “persists as the spice that nearly all seem to crave.”

5. SEX, the core of erotic love, occupies a considerable portion of a new couple’s time and thought. This category has inputs from both romance and intimacy so, when we consider sex apart from these categories, we are looking at sex for fun. Sex research shows us that couples with high sexual satisfaction report the happiest relationships, while couples reporting low sexual satisfaction may continue to care for each other but frequently experience physical and emotional frustration.

6. COMMITMENT, in the beginning of erotic relationships, is the component that gives erotic love a chance to grow and gives a relationship the time needed to experience each other in each facet of erotic love. In later years commitment may, at times, be the only love component that keeps a relationship going through bouts of frustration, boredom, and despair. Couples who remain committed through times of little affection or sexual desires many times find that their overall love for each other can become stronger.
 Take the following self-test to see how important each of the categories is to you. Consider each of the previous categories and give yourself a score from 0-10 with 10 being the most important. If you are in a relationship, have your partner do the same. There are no right or wrong answers. If you and your partner’s ratings are fairly similar( no more than a two point difference) you have the potential for a great relationship. If more than a two point difference  exists, you two may have very different needs in your relationships. Try an open, honest discussion regarding each category. In needed, enlist the help of a professional.

Lorraine Baillie Bowie_WIN AT LOVEFor more about these six categories and what they mean to your relationships, check out my new book now available in paperback on Amazon and also available on most eReaders       
 Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen


Send your questions to me at
Please put Q and A in the subject line.

To make a comment, just click on comments.

Link to my new book on Amazon:
Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen

Hope to hear from you soon,
Dr. B

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